In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
