Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
