you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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