fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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