I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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