paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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