She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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