I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
