hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I look better un-naked...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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