You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
