it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
