I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sober January is a disaster.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
