we have officially lost it.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
