youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
