After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What a dumb baby whore.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
