Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
