that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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