best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
