Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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