she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
A bitchslap is in order.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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