Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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