Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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