you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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