So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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