Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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