I'm gonna have a badass scar
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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