I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize