The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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