And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
