id be glad to
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
