That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
