i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
