How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
