The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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