you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
