I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Are we still banned from the library?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
