this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
