I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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