I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
