Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
