oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
