Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
