it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
