I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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