Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
