I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
