It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
