Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I believe in your delicious
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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