I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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