So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
