Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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