my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I look better un-naked...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
