I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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