booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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