i think i have herpe
just one?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
