his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
