Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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