nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
