Got a toothbrush?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
