ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
