apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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