Sorry, I don't speak sober.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
