____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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