my soul wont recognize me after tonight
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
