You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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