I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
