So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
