yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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