the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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