I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
