Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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