I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
