it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
