you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
