Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
