i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
