Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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