Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
