my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
