It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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