The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
