I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
