??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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